We spend the day in the halls of Tooth School, following the students throughout their day, from the Pledge of Allegiance("I pledge allegiance to this mouth, and to the dentist who takes care of us. And to the gums on which we stand, strong and healthy, with toothbrushes and toothpaste for all.") to the end-of-day bell. The cast we particularly follow is Dr. Flossman and the 32 students in his class. There are the eight incisors, Omar, Liza, Elvis, Sherrie, Sally, Sam, Ira and Ingrid. They're sort of used to being the center of attention. There are the four canines of Candy, Conan, Christy and Carl. The eight (musical) premolars have their own choir; they are Lola, Charlie, Pinky, Penelope, Rosie, Boopsy, Preston and Pedro. Then there are the twelve molars - Rusty, Martin, Marilyn, Marky, Bubba, Millicent, Roland and Melody. (What's that? You only counted eight molars? That's because the rest are Wisdom Teeth. Yep. Edward, Wallace, Wendy and Evelyn. They're weird smart. Like they yawn through episodes of Jeopardy!, saying that the questions are too easy.).
Principal Fillingston gives his daily announcements over the intercom - there's some bridge work being done, so buses might be a little late today. And there will be a dance after the Chompers' football game on Friday night against the Plaqueville Germs. (Wallace Molar is reading a copy of the Canine in the Rye during these announcements, and Liza Incisor is stuck up.) Almost everyone failed last week's quiz on what healthy teeth ought to look like, so Dr. Flossman has to explain all that info again, including what the teeth are made out of. The part that can be seen is the crown. The outside layer is made of enamel, which is a hard coating protecting them from bacteria and germs. Under that coating is dentin, which makes up most of the teeth. Pulp is what hurts when one of the teeth has an ache. The root keeps each tooth in place, fastened to the gums by a thin layer called cementum.
Sally Incisor then reads her (rather incoherent) essay on the Tooth Fairy, and Dr. Flossman plays a videotape so the class can learn more about her. Then it's time for lunch, so everyone breaks into their groups: the incisors are food cutters, the canines food tearers, the premolars food crushers, and the molars are food grinders. (Martin Molar's mother made him a peanut-butter-and-onion sandwich.) During lunch there's a food fight, and then recess. (Preston Premolar had dirt for lunch, and Carl Canine and Lola Premolar are a couple, according to a mark on the schoolyard tree.) A terrifying lesson on cavities is next, so the terrified teeth hastily brush themselves clean. Dr. Flossman reads to them from the bestselling book So You've Got Yourself a Cavity, by Dr. Lou Stooth, then he promotes the Wisdom Teeth onward for higher learning. (Roland Molar is running for Student Council President, according to a banner in the hallway.)
The history reports need to be read next, and we find out that ancient Egyptians believed that an onion, spice and incense mix would cure toothaches. (And maybe it did. They knew their medicine.) Mayans filed their teeth into different shapes (OUCH!!!!) and decorated them with jewels, while in the early 1600's Japanese women blackened their teeth (ew) to show loyalty to their husbands. Then the school bell rings, and everyone is free for the day. Except for the two quizzes of homework in the back of the book, one true/false and the other multiple choice. This helps reinforce the educational facts we've learned throughout the book.
The final two pages are more entertaining scribbles adding depth to the world of these teeth, similar to the comments in the margins from The Scrambled States of America. It's a very well-written and well-drawn book, which ought to be read by pretty much everyone with kids, in my opinion.
#Wesley
